Slow Clap Children

Moving On Up

2008-09-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't updated the blog in about a month, but that's because I've been readying a move to another site. Though it's not quite done yet, I do have another post.So if you've been reading here or just now stumbled upon it, feel free to check out my new site:www.slowclapchildren.com

(Be)Rate a Movie, Vol. 1

2008-08-21T14:55:00.000-07:00

DISTURBIA"Man, I wish we were over there. Those people are watching Rear Window!"Every now and then I see a movie that I hate more than I probably should. When I first saw the previews for Disturbia, I was angered that someone had the audacity to basically remake Rear Window with a bunch of unknowns without giving the original movie any credit. (At the time I didn't know who Shia was. Now I

Not Just A Pretty Face

2008-08-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

Don't judge a book by its cover. It's a common maxim, passed down from generation to generation. And like any good rule, it deserves to be broken from time to time. For instance, I would never read this book. Whereas I would read this book in a heartbeat despite the large chance that it's unreadable.A rule should exist that says don't judge an actor by his dreamy eyes, electric smile, chiseled

Category Five: 5 Actresses Who I Can't Believe Haven't Been Nominated For An Oscar

2008-08-14T16:30:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I wrote about five actors who I couldn’t believe had never been nominated for an Oscar. Now it’s the ladies’ turn.It was much harder to compose this list. That can be blamed on the lack of good roles for women. Because of their scarcity, when a great role does come along and it’s performed well, the actress is generally recognized with a nomination. This isn’t to say that some

Meeting Pam Beesly

2008-08-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

Wednesday morning while at work, I got a call from my roommate. She said, "Guess who's on campus."Now, the previous evening, she had been talking about the start of fall football camp, so I figured she was talking about some player, or maybe a past Trojan visiting. Heck, maybe even an NFLer.I was definitely not expecting her to say "Jenna Fischer." I will be eternally grateful for that call.You

Paris For President

2008-08-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or DieThe responses I've heard to this video have ranged from declaring that this is actually McCain's energy plan to wondering what effect it will have on twenty-somethings that Paris called him "a wrinkly old white guy." But everyone is missing the biggest story to come out of this: Paris Hilton can act.Believe me, I never thought I'd write that sentence.

Just Add Money: Stupid 911 Calls

2008-08-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

Two days in a row, there have been news stories about stupid people calling 911 for idiotic reasons.One man became belligerent at a Subway when they didn’t put the spicy sauce on his Italian sub. They locked him out of the store when he went outside to call the police, via 911. Why this malady couldn’t easily be corrected I don’t know, but the fact that the man called 911 lets me know he wasn’t

Ode to an Ad: "Little Children" Trailer

2008-08-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

THE TRAILERAfter rewatching this trailer, I was surprised to find that it did in fact contain some, though very little, dialogue. In my memory, the only sound was the train. This means that the train motif, combined with the other visuals, was powerful enough to make a lasting impression. The dialogue certainly doesn’t detract from it and lets you know outright that the film is about an affair,

Impressive Impressions

2008-08-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

The other night I caught an episode of My Name Is Earl that I hadn't seen before. Burt Reynolds guest starred as the mean owner of the strip club. His character had just died, and everyone had gathered for the funeral when a limo arrived. When the person got out, at first I thought it was Reynolds having played a trick, but this character turned out to be his son. And he was played by Norm

"E" for Effort?

2008-07-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

As good as it was, everyone pretty much knew that Iron Man was just something to hold people over until The Dark Knight finally showed up. Even Robert Downey Jr. was willing to make fun of this fact. But it’s only one point behind The Dark Knight on Rotten Tomatoes. Is it just as good? Immediately after seeing The Dark Knight, I had a short conversation with some friends about which of the

The Last Laugh

2008-07-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

Hopefully we can all agree on two things. 1. It’s sad that Heath Ledger is no longer with us, both because of the entertainment he brought us as an actor and more so because of the tragedy of dying so young, leaving behind a grieving family and a young child who will have to grow up without a father. 2. His performance as the Joker is nothing short of mesmerizing, making it nearly

The Dark Knight Always Triumphs

2008-07-21T19:00:00.000-07:00

The Dark Knight currently holds two pretty impressive #1 spots. (Well, actually it holds quite a few, but I'm only going to talk about two of them.) While I thought the darker tone of the film would prevent it from reaching anything higher than #3 for all-time biggest opening weekend box office, it reached #1 with approximately $155 million dollars. Judging from my own screening and several

Changing Horses In Midstream

2008-07-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

I watched Hancock earlier this week, and while it had its moments and solidified my high regard for Will Smith as an actor, I did not like the film. It had a lot of potential. Perhaps too much, as by the end it seemed to be pulling in multiple directions.In fact, halfway through it complete shifts both plot AND tone. Initially, I thought this was its major fault. And while that definitely let to

This Was Your Life

2008-07-17T16:09:00.000-07:00

The other night my roommate and I attended a screening of the soon to be released film American Teen. It’s your typical high school film. There’s comedy and drama. People are mean. There’s a nerd who wants to find a girlfriend. There are relationships that start and end. There’s a subplot about the basketball team. More or less everything you’d expect. One major difference though: it’s

Women Wear Pants Too: The Ladies of "Man Stroke Woman"

2008-07-16T15:46:00.001-07:00

From time to time, I'll highlight a lady that gets to do more in Hollywood than just play the wife/girlfriend/romantic interest. THE LADIES OF “MAN STROKE WOMAN”Amanda AbbingtonDaisy HaggardMeredith MacNeillFirst, let me clarify that this show isn’t as risqué as the title makes it sound.[1] It airs on BBC, and in American terminology it would more

Friends On TV

2008-07-16T09:15:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday some friends and I staged a reading of an episode of “30 Rock” that I wrote for a contest.[1] Based on their feedback and comments I’ve gotten from people who read it later, I did a good job capturing the voice of the show. And I have to say: it was easy. That doesn't mean it didn't take a lot of effort. I spent countless time outlining,

Category Five: 5 Actors Who I Can't Believe Haven't Been Nominated For An Oscar

2008-07-12T16:44:00.000-07:00

You know the old saying: "It's an honor just to be nominated." Obviously, it’s more of an honor to win, but for the most part, I think these statements are genuine. In the acting categories especially, there's often a favorite to win. If you aren't that favorite, you should still be pretty happy of the fact that you were in the running with them. In the end, you are still being hailed as

In Defense of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"

2008-07-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

I was extremely disappointed by the latest Indiana Jones movie. While I wouldn't go so far as to call it "terrible," I did leave the theater feeling let down and kind of angry, though a large part of that was due to the fact that the stuff I disliked the most was at the end of the film.However, a number of people I know thought it was pretty good and a few others loved it. But I hope that they

Liveblogging A Terrible Movie

2008-07-07T16:22:00.000-07:00

I recently rented National Lampoon's Cattle Call. Though this was strictly for research purposes, I’m still ashamed. And since I was going to have to watch this thing anyway, I figured we should both get some entertainment out of it. So I liveblogged it. As it turns out, it was far from the worst comedy I’ve ever seen. That’s not to say it was good. It was horribly put together, featuring

Shame On Me: Wipeout

2008-07-02T16:10:00.000-07:00

I generally stay away from reality television. Sure, I've seen a couple of episodes of things here and there, but usually those were viewed with someone that had an interest in the program. Who was I to argue when there was nothing better to do? (Like having an engaging conversation, or, depending on the particular show, staring blankly at a wall for an hour.)So I'm not sure what sucked me into

I Took The Wrong Pill

2008-07-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

Last night I caught the beginning of The Matrix Reloaded on cable. The first thing I noticed was that Harold Perrineau of "LOST" plays Link, which means that I hadn't seen this movie since I started watching back in 2005. The second thing I noticed was...it was kind of stupid. Guess I have really moved on.You see, I had a passionate love affair with The Matrix. It started off healthy enough.

Ode to an Ad: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" Poster

2008-07-01T14:11:00.000-07:00

THE POSTERThis movie has been on my mind a lot recently. First, my friend Aaron cited it as one of the 10 Best Pop Culture Love Stories of the Last Ten Years. Then I mentioned it in correlation with WALL*E, noting that they both feature the theme of love triumphing over technology.While the trailer is fantastic in its own right, doing a wonderful job of showing the zany fun the film will have

Women Wear Pants Too: Angelina Jolie

2008-07-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

From time to time, I'll highlight a lady that gets to do more in Hollywood than just play the wife/girlfriend/romantic interest.ANGELINA JOLIEWith the release of her latest action flick, Wanted, I figured it was high time that I talk about Angelina Jolie, perhaps the biggest female action star of the new millennium. The film opened with $51 million, making it the 7th highest debut for an R-rated

Category Five: My 5 Favorite Films Of The First Half Of The Year

2008-06-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

The year is halfway over, and I've done a pretty good job of seeing films in the theater. A few slipped by that I wanted to check out, and there are a few still in theaters that I hope to catch soon. But here's a list of my favorites so far.#5: TEETHIt's hard to make a good horror-comedy. I've previously mentioned my affinity for Tremors, but being PG-13, it goes fairly light on the gore. And

You Go (American) Girl!

2008-06-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

Though it doesn't get its wide release until next week, last Friday Kit Kittredge: An American Girl opened in 5 theaters, making $220,297. For the non-math types (and I include myself in that), that comes out to an average of $44,059 per theater.While this doesn't place it anywhere near the top of best theater averages (The only list I could find shows just the Top 25.) it's still a damn good

Just Add Money: Pregnancy Pact

2008-06-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

Here's another story that could easily be turned into a movie:There's some other layers to the story as people have now come forward saying there was no pact. Luckily, movies aren't concerned with the truth, so we can do what we want with the story.Erik Davis over at Cinematical wrote an article (based on a tip from a previous article) that the people at the school first blamed the rise of

The Acceptable Hulk

2008-06-23T09:40:00.001-07:00

Saturday my roommate and I watched two films in the theaters simply to escape our hot apartment. I had been briefly interested in The Incredible Hulk, but once opening weekend passed without my seeing it, I figured I wouldn't catch it in theaters. So Universal & Marvel can thank the sun for my patronage.I've yet to see Ang Lee's version, but I've read/heard that the majority of it deals with how

In Defense of Eli Roth

2008-06-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

Having recently watched both Hostel and Hostel: Part II (which were both written & directed by Eli Roth), I found that I did not agree with a lot of the criticism directed at them. While they definitely aren't for everyone, they don't deserve to be attacked like they have been. Here's my defense of the films, so THERE BE SPOILERS!Between the time that these two films were released, there were a

Category Five: My 5 Favorite Film Endings (Twist)

2008-06-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

The other day I offered up my five favorite film endings that weren't twist endings. As I stated before, I mean the literal ending of the film, as in the last seconds before it goes to black.Twist endings have an upper-hand because they are undoubtedly going to force a major reaction. Good endings, ones that feel natural (or at least plausible) totally change everything you just saw and add a

Craig Brewer Is Just Light-Skinned

2008-06-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

Eager to check out some Blu-ray movies on my new player, I moved some films that were available in that format to the top of my Netflix queue. I wound up with Hustle & Flow and Black Snake Moan at the same time, only later realizing they were both written & directed by the same guy.This guy.As you'll no doubt notice from glancing at his picture, Craig Brewer is white. I wasn't aware of this fact

Ode to an Ad: "Unbreakable" Trailer

2008-06-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

THE TRAILERThe majority of complaints about movie previews fall into one of two categories:1. They give away too much of the plot.2. They don't really give you a sense of how good (or bad) the movie is.Point number one is well taken, but it's worth noting that in the "olden days," trailers gave away much more than even the most revealing one's do these days. Films were much more of a spectacle

Category Five: My 5 Favorite Film Endings (Non-Twist)

2008-06-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

A great ending can leave a lasting impression. A smile on your face, a laugh in your belly, a tear in your eye, or a heavy weight on you soul.Conversely, a bad ending can ruin a perfectly good movie. If it's a great movie, the ending might not necessarily RUIN it, but it means that you're forced to add "except for the ending" when discussing it as a great movie.Here is a list of my favorite

Women Wear Pants Too: Jodie Foster

2008-06-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

From time to time, I'll highlight a lady that gets to do more in Hollywood than just play the wife/girlfriend/romantic interest.JODIE FOSTERI know she's a pretty obvious choice, but that doesn't mean she's not worth highlighting. All the writing I've done about The Silence of the Lambs recently got me thinking: When was the last time Foster played a character that was just a romantic interest?

"Lethal Weapon" Is Uplifting

2008-06-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

Last week I talked about how Die Hard is depressing. Talking about Die Hard, especially when considering the entire series, always makes me think about the Lethal Weapon films. While there are a number of differences (one is a buddy cop series while the other isn't...even though it tries sometimes), right now I want to focus on two specific ones.1. While the Die Hard films don't get better as

"Die Hard" Is Depressing

2008-06-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

Last night I caught the end of Die Hard 2: Die Harder and immediately began to ponder the futility of man. Sure, John McClane kicks a lot of ass and says some funny lines, but when you look at the series as a whole, it's actually quite depressing.In the first film, McClane is estranged from his wife, living in New York away from her and his kids. But clearly he loves her. You can see how upset he

Hitch's Roommate

2008-06-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

That would have been a better name for the upcoming film, My Best Friend's Girl. My apologies for subjecting you to this, but you have to watch this trailer:If you're an aspiring screenwriter who has some sort of romantic comedy under his/her belt (quality isn't an issue), throw it into the path of Kate Hudson. It will suddenly be a movie.I was a fan of her in Almost Famous, but that's slowly

Just Add Money: Antarctica Condoms

2008-06-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

Here's another very short article that you can read for yourself if you'd like, but I'll explain it a bit because I have a few comments.Basically, a year's supply of condoms (16,500) was sent to a US research base in Antarctica in anticipation of winter darkness, where the sun will not rise again until August 20th.The article says they are being provided for free in order to "avoid the potential

Category Five: My 5 "Favorite" Films

2008-06-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

Being a lover of film, and a guy that majored in film, and a guy that hopes to work in film, I often get asked: "What's your favorite movie?"While I have a standard answer (#1 on this list), I wish that people would be both more specific and more general. What I mean is, let me name a number of films, and give me some caveats.Such as:What were your favorite films from last year?What are some of

Ode to an Ad: "JAWS" Poster

2008-06-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

THE POSTERIf you were to look at this poster for too long, you might chuckle to yourself. It is slightly comical, in a way. Luckily, you won't have time to stare at it for very long because you'll be too busy changing your pants as a result of the sheer terror it evoked upon first glancing at it.It's practically impossible to not think "DEAR GOD!!! LOOK OUT!!!" You know that woman is a goner,

Just Add Money: Closet Dweller

2008-06-08T17:50:00.000-07:00

Here's another news story that could easily be made into a movie. It's a short article if you want to read it, but here's the gist: A Japanese man discovered a homeless woman that had been secretly living in his closet for over a year. I see two very different directions it could go. Option #1 would be a romantic comedy and Option #2 would be a horror/thriller.Title: With Option #1, you need

Are Judd Apatow Movies Sexist?

2008-06-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

While rewatching most of Knocked Up last night with my roommate Sky, I noticed something that I hadn't the first time. (For the record, I enjoyed it but didn't think it was that great.) The female characters aren't very good. Yes, they are funny at times. (Leslie Mann is funny pretty much the entire time.) But they aren't very realistic or given any true depth. Since there's been talk of

Don't Mess With Eastwood

2008-06-06T09:48:00.001-07:00

WOULD YOU WANT THIS MAN TO BE ANGRY WITH YOU?Recently Spike Lee had some harsh things to say about Eastwood's recent film Flags of Our Fathers. While it's probably true that reporters started the discussion by point-blank asking Lee why Eastwood didn't include any black soldiers in the film, Lee's response went over the line:"He did two films about Iwo Jima back to back and there was not one

Category Five: 5 Questions Posed By The "LOST" Finale

2008-06-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

I think it goes without saying based on the title, but here's a warning: THERE BE SPOILERS!#5: Are Jin & Claire really dead?Both of these questions were actually posed in earlier episodes, but since they went unanswered in the finale, we still want answers. It seems odd to me that they'd reveal two deaths in the "present." Sure, it creates the mystery of what happened to him (I know I was

Women Wear Pants Too: Kristen Wiig

2008-06-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

From time to time, I'll highlight a lady that gets to do more in Hollywood than just play the wife/girlfriend/romantic interest.KRISTEN WIIGThere are a lot of people out there that think women aren't funny. I've heard it said a lot that the women on "Saturday Night Live" aren't funny.After a quick look over the cast list, I can say that Kristen Wiig is EASILY the funniest female cast member the

Just Add Money: Cancer Betting

2008-06-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

As a writer, whenever I come across an interesting story or experience a unique incident, I find myself pondering how it could best be used in a movie or television show. While I don't plan to give away all my secrets, from time to time I'll give up an outline for free. If you have the money to make it, then you can go ahead and take it.Take this story for example:Title: Obviously you've got

Ode to an Ad: "The Silence of the Lambs" Poster

2008-06-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

THE POSTER After looking at this poster, you're probably confused and disturbed. That's the effect it goes for, and it achieves it with flying colors. It might not tell you anything about the movie, but it does leave you feeling as if you just got some horrible news about a loved one.This poster asks a lot of questions: Who is this woman? Why is she so pale? What is she staring at? And